What totally real* people are saying about NPS.

“I wanted to measure customer satisfaction. I didn’t realize what I was ACTUALLY doing with NPS until it was too late.”

— Well-renowned CEO and co-founder of an important company.

“We thought we were going to be millionaires because everyone we surveyed was “a promoter”! Now we’re homeless and broke. Thanks, NPS!”

— Startup founder and now homeless person.

“Does anyone know how you calculate your NPS score?”

— Confused research manager.

“I woke up one day and decided I don’t care about survey science principles, research rigor, or my public image. I’ve been using NPS ever since.”

— Random tech bro

“I was having marital issues, so I asked my spouse how likely she would be to recommend me to a friend or a colleague.”

— Soon to be divorced idiot

“I got a vasectomy at the urologist, and two days later, I was asked the NPS question. Is it weird that I don’t tend to recommend urologists to colleagues?”

— A guy who isn’t having any more kids and prefers his colleagues don’t find out

*Quotes may not have originated from real people.